I will never forget. 18 years ago while driving to school I was annoyed because Rick and Brad from my favorite radio station, the KATT went to static. I drove the rest of the way in silence and once I got to UCO and everyone was watching the news coverage I discovered why. For the first time I realized that there was true evil in this world. Growing up you hear about things, but if you are lucky you never really feel their impact. Things like this did not happen in Oklahoma.
Everyone deals with grief differently, but I completely separate myself from it. I don't watch the coverage or trials or follow the stories. I basically pretend that it's not happening. I drove by the OKC bombing site daily on my route to work. I saw the stuffed animals and mementos attached the the fence around it. I saw it slowly transform into the beautiful memorial that it is today. But I have never gone to the memorial myself, just driven or walked by.
Since then there have been so many tragedies...school shootings, 9/11, bombs, natural disasters. I hear that they happen. My heart hurts for those affected. But I still stay unattached. While in NYC, I went down to Ground Zero and only felt numb.
I used to feel guilty about this. But now as the occurrences, both caused by nature and led by evil, increase....maybe I am a lucky one. If I am able to distance myself, maybe I can keep a little joy in my heart and in the lives of my boys. I hear people say things like "What kind of world have I brought my children into?". I can't think like that. They are here and I need to surround them with love and laughter and when they are older, then, they can discover the tragedies. I know that someday something beyond my control will affect them. But maybe, if they grew up with all they love I can give they will be better equipped to deal with it themselves.
I can only hope.
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