Good grief.....

I will never forget. 18 years ago while driving to school I was annoyed because Rick and Brad from my favorite radio station, the KATT went to static.  I drove the rest of the way in silence and once I got to UCO and everyone was watching the news coverage I discovered why.  For the first time I realized that there was true evil in this world.  Growing up you hear about things, but if you are lucky you never really feel their impact.  Things like this did not happen in Oklahoma. 

Everyone deals with grief differently, but I completely separate myself from it.  I don't watch the coverage or trials or follow the stories.  I basically pretend that it's not happening.  I drove by the OKC bombing site daily on my route to work.  I saw the stuffed animals and mementos attached the the fence around it.  I saw it slowly transform into the beautiful memorial that it is today.  But I have never gone to the memorial myself, just driven or walked by.

Since then there have been so many tragedies...school shootings, 9/11, bombs, natural disasters.  I hear that they happen.  My heart hurts for those affected.  But I still stay unattached.  While in NYC, I went down to Ground Zero and only felt numb.

I used to feel guilty about this.  But now as the occurrences, both caused by nature and led by evil, increase....maybe I am a lucky one.  If I am able to distance myself, maybe I can keep a little joy in my heart and in the lives of my boys.  I hear people say things like "What kind of world have I brought my children into?".  I can't think like that.  They are here and I need to surround them with love and laughter and when they are older, then, they can discover the tragedies.  I know that someday something beyond my control will affect them.  But maybe, if they grew up with all they love I can give they will be better equipped to deal with it themselves.

I can only hope.

Huston - April 2013

Huston, Spring is here!  We are starting to get a regular schedule and you love all of the fun things we are doing.  We have joined two different MOPS groups and regularly do story time, the community center and play dates.  With all of this pretty weather we have been getting out more and are starting to appreciate all of the beautiful scenery we are surrounded by.

We try to get to story time at the library before it starts so you can pick out some books to take home.  You spend a lot of time selecting them and we read them in the library.....but once you get them home you completely ignore them until they are due.  I think we are going to try to only check out one book at a time and see if that makes a difference.  You do like story time, but you are kind of between the toddler and preschool age groups and it depends on the books on how interested you are.  You sit with me and Nolan at first, but will slowly make your way to the circle.  Since you like to be class clown, I think the quiet room intimidates you a bit.  You also learned the heartbreak of outgrowing a friend.  When we first started going your friend Ryver was always there and now that we don't see him as often, you asked me why he doesn't like you anymore.  It has a lot more to do with him not being in the same places as you, but I think in your little heart you took it as he doesn't want to play with you.

There is a park by our house that we love.  It is by the water so it's scenic, it's clean, close to home and has lots of fun playground equipment (on soft flooring).  Nolan and I can sit in the grass and watch you run wild.  The last few times we went you instantly made a friend and played, climbed rocks and rolled down hills.  You also think going barefoot in the grass is the best thing ever.

"Big rock"

Rolling

and Rolling

Picnic

Obsessed with toes in the grass

Made sure we all felt the "tickles"

You still like the YMCA and are becoming a class helper.  They've mentioned several times that you have gotten onto other kids "They don't like that here" and that you like to help out.  Your favorite thing to do there is swim and you drive us completely nuts asking to go.  You've also been asking to go to the beach and Disneyland....I think we might need to start teaching you vacation vs. every day life.

You are becoming more and more independent daily.  You get yourself dressed in the morning and do a pretty good job cleaning up after yourself when asked.  You have a few favorite outfits and I have to convince you when it's time to rotate them and wash them if you feel it necessary to wear the same one multiple days in a row.  You would wear your Cars shirt and shorts daily if allowed.

Your newest thing is your "party".  I'm not sure how this originated, I think it had something to do with a fort we made on a rainy day once, but it has evolved into you throwing all of your pillows, blankets and stuffed animals in a pile, burying yourself underneath and calling it your party.  It makes you very happy, so for now...you can have all the parties you want.  Later as you change your idea of a party, that may change.

I love hearing you play and I hear myself in your toys' conversations.  It keeps me on my toes with what phrases I choose to use around you.  Nothing like hearing you tell your toy to "Quit screwing around" to make me thing twice about my choice of words.  You will also ask me "Is this far enough?" when you are playing outside and go too far.  Or my favorite, when you tell Nolan "That's a good job, buddy."

You love playing with Nolan and you two are so funny.  At five months, he can roll and scoot around a little and he loves being in the middle of things with you.  He will grab your toys, your hair, your shirt....anything to get your attention.  You laugh and giggle with him and love it when we make "him speak" (we use him like a baby ventriloquist dummy sometimes).  You are very concerned that he only plays with soft toys, doesn't eat grass and if he is crying you will tell me to "Give him boobies" or "Sing him a song".  My heart completely melts when I glance over and you are holding his hand. 

I can't write one of these posts without including your funny Hustonisms.  You call me "my lady", if you think we are teasing or tricking you you say "You tricker", instead of cannonball you say "cannonbox", and you wont eat foods with "dirty things" which is anything you don't like. 

The best conversation ever went like this:

Lisa, "Doug, what kind of cake do you want for your birthday?"

Doug, "Chocolate with chocolate chip frosting."

3 minutes pass

Huston from the backseat, "Did someone just say cake?"

Hilarious.

My heart grows bigger every day for you and your brother and I feel so blessed and fortunate to be able to stay home with you.  I know a day will come when you will be in school, sooner than I am ready, so I am enjoying it while I can.  Watching you learn things and seeing you become the sweet, funny, smart boy you are makes me so proud and I can't wait to see what you will do next.  Love you buddy.

Nolan - 5 Months

Nolan you are already five months old and are changing so much.  Your personality is developing and you are a very sweet and happy boy.  You rarely cry unless left along for too long and you laugh and make noises all day long.

Physically you have learned a lot in the past month.  You can roll over both ways, sit up unsupported for quite awhile before tumbling over, you can pick things up and get them in your mouth, you like to stand supported and you will throw your body forward to get what you want when we are holding you.  If we aren't holding you, you will roll and dig your toes into the carpet til you scoot where you want to be.  Usually because you are trying to get near your brother or get a toy.  You are finally getting more hair and we are still debating if it will be brown or red.  Most days it looks brown, but with the right light you can definatly see red.

You have mastered the art of spitting bubbles and can make quite a mess.  The drooling and wet collars have started.  Your runny nose and chewing tell me that you are working on getting some teeth.  You can get your feet in your mouth now too, which is great fun for you.

You also love to be thrown in the air and swing around.  We went to a birthday party at a bounce house the other day and you went down the big slide with me and loved it when we bounced you in the inflatables.  You just laugh and laugh when you see other kids laughing and your eyes follow your brother everywhere he goes.  You want to join in so bad.  Luckily for you, your brother loves to play with you and make you laugh and he is always trying to wrestle and hug on you.  You just hold on to his hair and enjoy the ride, laughing the whole time.

We love you so much little buddy.  I love the way that you look at me so happy and full of love and hope I always make you feel the same way.